A dream come true
I reached out to Alex Elle to shoot my mentee shot. Because why not? What is the point of admiring the lives and work of people who inspire us if we never allow ourselves to imagine being in community with them? I have spent so much time appreciating the way she makes room for honesty, vulnerability, and reflection in her writing. And I want to learn how to do that in my own way. I have decided that I am going to do it. I have decided that I am going to do it. I am going to write a book. Even typing that feels surreal. A book. With my name on it. My stories. My reflections. My understanding of the world, of other people, and of myself. I have spent so much of my life trying to make sense of the things I've experienced. Writing has always given me somewhere to put those thoughts. And now, I'm wondering what it would look like to give them a permanent home. And who else to have in my corner if not Alex? Okay, seriously, everyone start praying right now that this comes through for me. I need that.
Anywho, I want to craft my own book filled with a collection of personal essays and reflective nonfiction writings on love, loss, grief, becoming, friendship, and ambition. My working title is The Art of Becoming. Becoming. What a loaded word. I think about how many versions of myself I've already been. The little girl with big dreams. The young woman trying to make sense of love. The woman who has experienced loss in ways she never imagined. The woman who is still learning that she can be heartbroken and hopeful at the same time. I am beginning to understand that becoming isn't always beautiful. Sometimes it is uncomfortable. Sometimes it requires surrender. Sometimes it asks us to release the very things we thought would accompany us into our future. And sometimes, becoming looks like sitting at your laptop and deciding that you have a story worth telling. I have so many ideas for this baby. My very own creative project that I am giving myself 1-2 years to complete. I am having so much fun already. But I also know that inspiration alone will not write this book. There will be days when the words come effortlessly and others when I stare at a blank page wondering what on earth I have gotten myself into. I am aiming to write 2,500 to 3,500 words a week. Ambitious? Maybe. But I want to take this dream seriously enough to give it structure. I am also learning that discipline and grace can coexist. I don't want this book to become another measure of my productivity or another opportunity to be unnecessarily hard on myself. I want to enjoy the process of creating it. I want to be present for the becoming that happens while I'm writing about becoming.
I am eager to write on the topics of grief, loss, love, friendship, and ambition. And of course, I will involve psychology, my first love. Because how could I not? I have always been fascinated by the human experience. Why we love the way we do. Why we hold on long after something has ended. How grief changes us. How our earliest experiences shape the people we become. How we learn to trust ourselves again. But there is something fascinating about studying the human experience and then having life hand you experiences that no textbook could have adequately prepared you for. I want to explore that intersection. The space between what we know intellectually and what we come to understand through living.
I don't know who I'll be when I finish writing this book. That's perhaps the most exciting part. I know who I am today. Or at least, I know who I'm trying to be. But what will another year of living, loving, grieving, learning, and writing reveal to me? I guess we'll find out.
In the meantime, I've got a book to write.
I already feel that I've poured so much love and care into this platform. I love my digital home. It's a space that I've created, nurtured, and continued to return to as I've grown and changed. And now, I can't wait to have something physical to hold. Something with pages to turn, words to revisit, and stories that carry the same love and intention I've poured into this little corner of the internet.
Wish me luck.
