What I Needed & More…
I wrote my last blog post on May 14, which is almost three months ago. It pains me to spend time away from what I love - creating. However, I had not been in the best space. I talked to my psychiatrist and mentioned how I had been in this funk for about two months. I mentioned that I could feel myself coming around. My God, you are always on time.
I kept going. I worked. I went to school. Life continued. Yet, I felt like a shell of myself. Something had been missing, but I didn’t know what.
On July 26, I went to fellowship with the sister circle. It’s no secret that I value community, and it also isn’t a secret how difficult it can be to cultivate one, especially in a new place. Judge Chess (sidebar: it feels so wrong to address her as anything other than Judge. When I think of calling her Faye, I falter because there better had been a “Ms.” in the front of her name, said my honorable Mississippi roots) invited me to her home to connect with her sister circle. I am certain I was the youngest woman in the room, and I could've combusted at the number of times I started to address anyone by Ms. or ma’am. I chalk it up to the amount of respect and admiration that I felt just by being in the room. I left Faye’s home to head on a date with Daisy to the Jazz Alley. I called Daisy as soon as I left to tell her of what I had just experienced. I began by stating that the feeling and experience were indescribable, yet proceeded to describe everything in detail over the thirty-minute drive home. I felt inspired. I felt encouraged. I felt uplifted. You should’ve been there. You would’ve loved it. I thought of my mom and wished she were there. The space felt like home. I will cherish it forever.
Upon making it to Faye’s spot in West Seattle, I was awestruck. The charming and eclectic vibe washed over me. Her space is absolutely beautiful like something out of a novel. It reminds me of A Love Letter for Ricki Wilde. I am currently reading this romantic novel set in New York that spans from present day to the Harlem Renaissance. Faye reminds me of Ms. Della and how Ms. Della becomes the person that Ricki never knew she needed. You’d have to read the book to get the feel. Anywho, (where was I, lol) Faye’s home is lovely. She has this beautiful painting on the wall. She has lots of art and pictures around the home, which I just absolutely adore. I meant to snap a picture of the painting to show Daisy, but I think I did a pretty good job at describing its layers and elements. There are flowers and plants in their plant homes. There was wine, salad, pizza, and desserts. The scene was set. The energy was more than inviting. She even had printed a few questions for conversation starters, which is just a duh moment. She has everything to a T - I wouldn’t expect anything less than extraordinary.
The intentionality of the engagement and conversation only left me wanting more. This summer quarter, I get to learn about ontology and epistemology in History & Systems. Let me just say this - everything is that deep lol. This class challenges me, then leaves me in deep reflection. I am quite fond of the free-write assignments that Dr. Law has assigned us - a genius move for engagement in a class that is only four weeks long. One of the prompts for this week is as follows: Think of a construct you’ve been taught to believe in (e.g., grit, resilience, giftedness, mental toughness). How might that construct reflect economic, racial, or political agendas more than scientific truths?
Reflecting on the prompt brought me back to those respectable Mississippi roots. Yes ma’am, no ma’am, yes sir, no sir…not to mention that good ole southern hospitality that keeps me holding doors open for strangers, throwing my hand up to speak to others when I am driving by, and simply just being respectful to others (we are going to sum it up with respectfulness because I could go on and on about the many ways that my southern roots have shaped and raised me). I’ve been taught to believe in many constructs. Being raised by a single mom in the Deep South of Mississippi, she’s instilled in me values that hold incredible weight and promise. Staying strong (mental toughness & resilience), working hard (determination & persistence), being impeccable in your nature (grit & follow through) all feel like good things to believe in. As I ponder on these constructs and more, I am drawn to believe that they have more racial and economic agendas than being scientific truth. Growing up, though, these were the truth - mom’s truth that became my truth. I don’t doubt the value that they bring, but I can now question where they come from and why. It brings me to question if the scientific truths that have been established and echoed through the universe are actually and solely true because of science, or are there other factors driving the agenda (which we know to be true).
I come to learn that the more I know, I realize that I don’t know anything at all.
p.s. Daisy just finished dinner so I am going to wrap up here and circle back later because it’s been a long almost three months since I have been away and I have quite a bit left to say. Until next time… bye guys xoxo
